ZIKALICIOUS

I have been holding off discussing this topic for a while because of how controversial it can get. Let me start by speaking my truth on why this has become my opinion. I grew up in an Igbo household, where dad goes to work and provides while mum took care of the household. We would go home to the village every Christmas to visit our extended family,  It was compulsory for us. Everyone was usually very happy to see us when we arrived. In no time visitors began to flood the house including dads’-childhood friends. I remember my mum in the kitchen in her pretty dress catering to guests constantly. They would call her  “ Nwoye anyi” meaning our wife from time to time. Mum would be in there for hours on end  ( let me add a frustrating cry here for effect). The cooking never seemed to end, We cooked all the time! Sadly, mum and dad didn’t last long together,  so the responsibility fell on my sister and me.  I remember going home one Christmas and we stayed in the kitchen all day cook

It was 9: 45 pm and I was getting really bored watching the news, so I figured it was time to go to bed as I had an early start the next day,  I got into bed and decided to browse the internet for a bit. Social media is such an interesting place; I mean, you think you will be there for 10 mins and boom! It’s 2 am! That was exactly what happened to me. I was just about to force myself to sleep, then the phone rang,  it was my friend Bunmi “ Hello, Zee...are you awake?”  she asked  “ Yes, I am” I responded as I rolled my eyeballs; who did she think was speaking to, a robot? “I’m glad you are awake” she continued “ I am depressed”. That got me. I was now worried. It was past 2 am and I figured it must be something urgent. "Are you alright, is everything okay?” I asked hurriedly. “ Yes, well No” she continued “ It's just that I am getting really frustrated in this relationship” she added. She went back and forth about how she loved her man and how wonderful he was but she d

The mind is such a beautiful part of being human because our thoughts are shaped and processed by our minds. What we believe to be true or a fact, becomes our reality. Excuse the long explanation and stuff.....let’s apply this theory to a real-life situation. Now, there is Brother A who is the optimistic go-getter, and there is Bother B; he has managed to convince himself that nothing good will ever come to him without a motive behind it. They go on living their lives, but brother A is the star; everyone loves being around him not because he doesn’t go through stuff himself but because his mindset has been programmed to take on challenges and seek out other ways to make things happen. Being around him is comforting and pleasurable. On the other hand, brother B blames everyone except himself for the failures he has experienced in life and comes to the conclusion that Brother A must be using some kind of juju because his mind can’t fantom how someone who wasn’t half as quali

Men are Scum.... My friends and I formed a group on WhatsApp and Twitter and called it “ The Phoenix rises”. It was for women who have had bitter experiences with these creatures called MEN. It was for Women, who believed in the same things and had the same ideals. We believed that MEN were complicated beings and just existed to hurt women. so, ideally, we used and dumped them without blinking an eye lid. Men are Scum.... We were constantly on social media propagating our cause and would lash out at men for no reason at all, you could easily spot us in the comment section - those scumbags deserved it! Yeah, call us whatever you want, we just believed that good men didn't exist anymore. Men are Scum... The girls and I would meet up from time to time at a friends place for a few bottles of delicious wine to discuss the most important issue at hand at the time “Men" I mean, a man tells you he loves you and then a few seconds later runs off with the next t

There are no decent drivers in Lagos, none! I tell you. If you have ever told yourself that you will never act crazy on your daily commute to work and that you will probably drive peacefully, play some gospel or inspirational  music and then  wave at everyone you saw on your way.... hey! Wake up!! let me burst your bubble. It’s never going to happen, because abiding by the rules and remaining  clam on the Lagos roads do not exactly apply here. Lagos is the commercial nerve of Nigeria with a population size of around 21 million people, which includes Lagos itself and the  surrounding metro areas extending into far areas of Ogun state. We sometimes call it  “ The New-York” of Nigeria to make ourselves feel better, It is our consolation  strategy as to why Lagos is chaotic and horrendously fast paced. Here, we have street hawkers, beggars, street lights that don’t function as the should and crazy commercial drivers; bikes, buses and tricycles, we also have potholes the size of an

I got a WhatsApp message today......and it was not the usual. The recipient who was somewhat a client thought it was appropriate that everyone in the group chat knew he was not ordinary and so he made sure it sank in! “My name Doctor, Umezulora 1, Evangelist, Apostle......” This was how he would end every message. It may look like a joke to some of you but unfortunately it was something we all had to put up with. I had met this client a few days back and he seemed like an intelligent/warm individual but, what I could not understand was why he had to introduce himself using all his titles. It was funny at first, but I became worried afterwards. I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry or pull my hair out in frustration. I looked around the room to see if anyone rolled their eyes every time he did that but it seemed the rest of the team were fine with it......so I thought. The  meeting ended in high notes, I gave a quick excuse as to why I had to leave early so I didn’t have to hear h

Have you noticed the trend too, or is it just me? Well, if you haven't, I say welcome to my neighborhood where the puppy and dog population have finally taken over the entire area. When I say dogs, I mean all kinds! We barely sleep these days, they resume barking from as early as 6 am till about midnight when they finally fall asleep. As cute as they may look, their constant barking and dog droppings can drive anyone crazy. I'm beginning to think that this has become some sort of a weird trend in Lagos. Sometimes, I am forced to think that Nigerians overdo it just a little. We jump on trends blindly! I'm angry because I deal with situations like this every day. We constantly have to deal with aggressive barks coming from a neighbor's flat who has two badly behaved dogs that bark continuously as if they are high on weed. It's so bad, it wakes the ent neighborhood up every morning and keeps us on our toes for the rest of the day... We try to to locat