Your Father!!!

There are no decent drivers in Lagos, none! I tell you. If you have ever told yourself that you will never act crazy on your daily commute to work and that you will probably drive peacefully, play some gospel or inspirational  music and then  wave at everyone you saw on your way.... hey! Wake up!! let me burst your bubble. It’s never going to happen, because abiding by the rules and remaining  clam on the Lagos roads do not exactly apply here.

Lagos is the commercial nerve of Nigeria with a population size of around 21 million people, which includes Lagos itself and the  surrounding metro areas extending into far areas of Ogun state. We sometimes call it  “ The New-York” of Nigeria to make ourselves feel better, It is our consolation  strategy as to why Lagos is chaotic and horrendously fast paced.

Here, we have street hawkers, beggars, street lights that don’t function as the should and crazy commercial drivers; bikes, buses and tricycles, we also have potholes the size of an Olympic size swimming pool scattered all over the place.....okay, I am exaggerating; there are quite a number of potholes around, so you will need to look out for those.

When I first witnessed this crazy Lagos behavior was years ago when I was offered a ride by aunt in her car. You see,  she had just purchased this car, so it was her little baby and something she wanted to show off. She offered me a ride home and I was happy to join her. We had only gone a few blocks from my office and all of a sudden she cursed loudly at another driver in a different language and in words I had never heard speak before. I was shocked,  my aunt is a very religious woman, so hearing her curse was very strange.

The next encounter was in a neighbor’s car, you guessed right; she cursed at another driver and this time she hadn’t gone far, she was just about to pull out from where she was parked at the mall and then BOOM we hit another car! “Oh Shitttttttt!” She muttered under her breath. This must be the norm I thought to myself . Surely, everyone had gone mad.

A few years later and here I am driving my own car and now I have become the QUEEN of insults and swear words. I will curse out when I caccidentally drive into a pothole, I will curse when another driver tries to switch lanes without warning, I will curse when a commercial driver
acts crazy and runs a red light and are never reprimanded, I will curse out when the police reprimands me for doing the exact same-thing!   I will curse when someone bashes into my newly painted or fixed car. And Oh! I got a headache just cursing all day. Saying things like “ Your Father, Waka, Oloshi, Shit”. These are common curse language on the Lagos roads. I’m pretty sure some of us have said worse things.

Whatever you do, Remember to leave your alter ego gangster self in your car. Do not  use them at your Work place when you feel like, we don’t want people thinking you gone CRAZY.
The swearing and cursing  ends in your car when you arrive at your destination.