I have been holding off discussing this topic for a while because of how controversial it can get. Let me start by speaking my truth on why this has become my opinion.
I grew up in an Igbo household, where dad goes to work and provides while mum took care of the household. We would go home to the village every Christmas to visit our extended family, It was compulsory for us.
Everyone was usually very happy to see us when we arrived. In no time visitors began to flood the house including dads’-childhood friends. I remember my mum in the kitchen in her pretty dress catering to guests constantly. They would call her “ Nwoye anyi” meaning our wife from time to time. Mum would be in there for hours on end ( let me add a frustrating cry here for effect). The cooking never seemed to end, We cooked all the time!
Sadly, mum and dad didn’t last long together, so the responsibility fell on my sister and me.
I remember going home one Christmas and we stayed in the kitchen all day cooking while my brother sat by the television doing whatever he liked, we would come out occasionally to welcome a fresh batch of guests. My dad will say “ These are my daughters; Uchenna, she is the older one, and Ngozi, she is the youngest” and guests would reply under their breath with morsels or pounded egusi soup in their mouths “ oh, beautiful children, you were tiny the last time we saw you”.
One day, I decided I wasn’t going to join in anymore, I was going to make the best of my holiday; I was going to sneak out! Of course, I had a blast but by the time I got home, I would still meet their cooking, I continued from where they left off, and no one noticed. I was happy or I would have been toast! It didn’t seem fun going home anymore, gradually I started declining trips home and would stay back or find an excuse not to.
It is culture to entertain in an Igbo household, guests must not leave your house without a hearty welcome which was usually in form of drins & light snacks, or food, what we call “Orji" which means kola-nut could also be in the form of drinks, food, etc.
What gets hot me and bothered with Igbo men is how loud they get each time they congregate, put a group of Igbo men in one room and you will get one week's worth of headaches from all the shouting and excitement they create. This is the norm at almost all social gatherings.
A perfect example would be joining a group of Igbo men on a trip; anything can happen. So please, expect the unexpected. I once witnessed a fight on a plane over a sitting arrangement and another over alcohol.
The next experience I had was at a party recently. We were led to the VIP lounge by a friend where a couple of wealthy Igbo men were seated, the evening went well until the issue of seating came up. Another Lady and I were asked to get up to accommodate some very important guests. These men sat down without uttering a word and left us standing until a younger male offered us seats. Did I feel bad? Of course, I did, I felt we should have been treated better.
The issue of respect and honoring women is my major concern. There are consistent cases of women whose deceased husbands' families left the wife with nothing after her husband's death claiming that all properties belong to the family.
The first male son in an Igbo household is considered of more value than a female child. This male child has more rights than his older sister and could lay claim to his father's property over his older sister. Male children are considered valuable because they carry on with their father's legacy and keep the family name alive, so they are treated with the utmost respect and importance and subsequently invested in heavily.
Traditionally, men are taught to take on certain leadership roles and provide for their families, most of the time they are not taught to respect women and be there for them emotionally.
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