That was the question I was asked today...The evening was going quite well for me until it went from "This has gotta be the best night ever" to "Oh no he didn't!". My facial expression changed in that instant from a smile to outrage: it became glaring that this question was off-limits. I moved around uneasily in my seat; I began thinking about how best to address the situation without coming off as the 'Crazy b***h!'
Peter was a good friend, and oftentimes we would discuss random topics of interest and argue endlessly- they were resolved amicably each time but this one wasn't one of those. I honestly don't know how we went from discussing random things to, "So, do you mind sharing how many people you have had sexual encounters with?" I was in shock for a few seconds, If I had been drinking at the time I would have choked on it and spat it out in shock! Why was this piece of information important, why would anyone want to know the number of people I had been with, where the hell did that question come from?!
The evening was going great; we had ordered food & drinks, we listened to a few tracks of soulful Jazz, we played a game of chess and then proceeded to play cards before we got into talks about politics, sports, and then music, all of a sudden we ended here - "What is your body count?"
"Look I don't know why this holds any significance, what is the rationale behind it?'... 'I don't suppose the question does anything good in this context other than stirring up the pot," I retorted. " Nooo! you got it all wrong, this is a harmless question, it's not a big deal" Peter responded. Now, why he thinks this isn't a big deal is still hard to believe. I think that humans whether we like it or not store information in our brains and will draw an inference when the need arises. Just like computers: you recall them when you need them.
He carried on by stating how many women he had been with throughout his lifetime expecting that I did the same, when he didn't get any response from me in that regard, he hastily changed the subject; whatever he said at that point didn't register- it became distant babbling my thoughts drifted back and forth wondering why he would ask such a question and to what end?
In my opinion, before any definitive idea/thought is brought to the fore, there is always a pre-thought...a notion. I am a firm believer that all questions asked are the product of a thought which precedes the other, it's either you are trying to figure something out, compartmentalizing situations or trying to confirm a gut feeling.
There are no random conversations made without a motive - good or bad.
When you are out and about hanging with friends what questions set you off and why? was I overreacting? Is this an important question that needs answers? are there limits to what you should discuss in friendships and is this a relevant question to ask if it were between couples?
It’s a normal question between friends & not a normal question between couples cause most of us can’t imagine telling our partners we have lost counts n all. It’s not gonna go well. 🫣
ReplyDeleteThank you for your response. Believe me, We completely understand 😂
DeleteI think it depends on the friendship level you both have with eachother, to some people the question might sound too extreme and crossing the line, but it all balls down to the friendship level and the type of person the receiver of the message is.. the question looks a bit too private in my own opinion and should only be disclosed to someone whom you have a good relationship with..
ReplyDeleteWell said! Points noted. The bottom line is TRUST. A level of trust must be first established, it also depends on the other party knowing that any information shared is safe with whoever it is divulged to.
DeleteI think in indifferent, I don’t have any qualms answering. And if my friend/partner wishes to remain silent, good. Besides what difference does it make, or will make. It’s like you’re setting your self up for something that will make you feel better or excuse to spoil your relationship.
ReplyDeleteExactly! Can't agree more.
ReplyDelete